What Remains

Emily was vaguely aware that something was poking her in the arm.  As she slowly awoke from her uncomfortable slumber, the poking became more intense.  She turned her head to the left to see the grin of a dinosaur head protruding from a long stick.  Being as she wasn’t quite yet awake, Emily sprang up and shrieked.  Only then did she realize that one of her nephews was sitting on the floor, stifling a fit of the giggles.

Great, Emily thought.  Another joyous family gathering with the Spawns of Satan.

***

“Hey, Joe.  You might want to go talk to your demon child.  He poked me with his T-Rex and I told him how Dinosaurs became extinct.  As far as he’s concerned, ‘Aunt Emily’ made it happen ‘then’, and she can make it happen ‘now’,” Emily said as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

“That’s just great, Em.  The kids see you…what?  Maybe twice a year?  You can’t even pretend to be a little happy to see them too?”

“I am happy to see them, Joe.  I’m just not overflowing with delight when a 6 year old wakes me up with a head on a stick.  Call me crazy.”

“I’ll call you something, alright…,” Joe muttered as he went off to find Kyle.

Emily’s mother Beverly was watching the conversation with pursed lips.  She loved having Emily and Joe visit for the Holiday, but the differences in the two always made things a bit uneasy.

“You know sweetheart, you are their Aunt.  You really should try and become a part of their lives a little more.  These days go by so quickly, and before you know it POOF, they’re gone.  You don’t want to look back and have regrets.”

“Mom, I’m just not a kid person, OK?  How many times do I have to say this?  It’s nothing personal.  But 6 kids?  Joe and Cindy really should find another pastime.  And don’t try and scare me with the 'POOF, they’re gone bit’ either.”

Emily poured herself another cup of coffee and took a seat at the table.  6 kids. Joe and Cindy. Mom and Dad. Emily.  That made 11 people sleeping in one house.  Not to mention the 25 or more people who were expected over later that day to celebrate the Holiday. 

Emily had driven 2 ½ hours to get to her parent’s house, only to be stuck on a cot in the den.  She couldn’t even have her old room, because that was claimed by 3 of 6 the kids.  She sulked in silence and wished she could have just stayed at home and ordered take-out.  Like any normal, single 30 something.

***

The day was hectic.  The doorbell rang constantly and coats were passed off to waiting arms and then dropped off in the master bedroom.  Food was everywhere, the fire was crackling, and half of the entourage was gathered around the piano, singing a pitiful version of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”.

“It’s like a freakin’ Holiday movie in there,” Emily thought as she rinsed the dessert plates and loaded the dishwasher.

“Come on out to the party, Em,” Joe’s wife, Cindy, beckoned.  “There’s always time to do the dishes.  We’re so rarely together as a family.”

“I’ll be out in a bit,” Emily said with a false grin without turning around. “Just want to finish up these last few dishes.”

“Ok.  But you don’t want to miss the next sing-a-long.  It’s going to be one for the record books!”  Cindy left Emily alone in the kitchen, as she returned to the chaos in the family room.

It’s not that Emily didn’t like Cindy.  Cindy was sweet and gentle.  Kind and motherly; warm and welcoming.  The traits that Emily just couldn’t understand and, frankly, felt were beneath her.  Emily was a woman with the world at her feet.  Cindy, only 8 years older, already had tied herself down with 6 kids, a husband, a dog and a canary.  “Ugh.”  Cindy said out loud to herself.  “Just. UGH.”

***

As the night wrapped up and the last of the revelers said their goodbyes, Emily stayed in the kitchen – finding something to do. 

“I wish I could just go home already,” she said out loud, not meaning too.

“I think that would probably be for the best, dear,” her Mother responded.

Emily turned around, not aware that anyone else was in the room.  She felt her blood rush to face and her cheeks flush.

“Mom.  I’m…I… I didn’t know you were in here.”

“No, I suppose you didn’t.  Doesn’t really matter though, does it, dear?  You make it perfectly clear that you have no desire to see your family – be it you nieces and nephews, your brother and Cindy, or your father and I.  We don’t make you happy, I think you should go and do what does make you happy.  Whatever that may be.”

“Mom…”

“I’ll finish up in here.  You go pack your things.  It’s a long ride.”

***

Emily woke with a start.  Her heart was racing and sweat was dripping down her back.

“Always the same damn dream,” she moaned to herself.

Emily looked at the clock next to her bed.  It showed 12:44am.  She wanted to call someone.  She needed to talk to someone.  But there was nobody left.

Ever since Joe and Cindy’s car accident 10 years ago, the rest of the family had shattered and scattered.  It was just too much.  An entire family…gone.  POOF.  With no hope of second chances. 

The only things that remained were regrets, and an empty house.