Saturday, November 30, 2013

Shadows

Night is somber. The inky black.
Your soul entombed. Your body slack.
Inside your mind, your thoughts they race
Lost in murkiness you try to face.

The shadows form.  Then disappear.
Always close. But never near.
You try to grab them, don’t know how
You’re cursed to chase the phantoms now.

Snap like a rubber band.  Inside your brain.
Snap, crackle, pop.  You’re going insane.
The circuits fire, but don’t connect
Your body is helpless. Your mind can’t object.

Running down alleys.  Hunted by foe.
Your only exit is an exit below.
The dark is the hunter, and you are its prey
Your only escape is the lightness of day.

Icy claws touch you.  They smother your cries.
You watch as the others, pass you on by.
Perhaps they don’t see you.  Perhaps they don’t care
Perhaps they are dealing with their own hellish scare.

Every person you cling to.  Every person you need.
Seems to retreat, each time that you plead.
You’re stuck in your body.  You’re stuck in your mind
You’re stuck in a place nobody can find.

Snap like a rubber band.  Inside your brain.
Snap, crackle, pop.  You’re going insane.
The circuits fire, but don’t connect
Your body is helpless. Your mind can’t object.






Sunday, November 24, 2013

Masks


People don’t know you
Do you expect any more?
You aren’t sure who you are
Can’t say what you’re for 

People don’t know you
Can you presume that they should?
You wear different faces
Then say you’re misunderstood 

Masks. Arranged inside of your head
            Chosen at random.  Hanging by a thread
Smiling and grinning, frowning or blue
Each day you decide which mask will be You

People don’t know you
Do you bother or care?
You feign passing interest
While holed up in your lair

People don’t know you
Should there be any doubt?
You change with the weather
On and off like a spout 

Masks. Arranged inside of your head
            Chosen at random.  Hanging by a thread
Smiling and grinning, frowning or blue
Each day you decide which mask will be You

People don’t know you
And soon they won’t try
You put up your fence
And then wonder why 

People don’t know you
It will continue this way
You can’t shut out the world
Then beg it to stay


Sunday, November 17, 2013

The Journey of Sarah Sunshine




“She’s 41, and her Daddy still called her Baby…”

Please don’t, Sarah begged. I can’t. I can’t have another day like this. This song. These lyrics. This isn’t my life. This won’t be my life.

“All the folks around Brownsville, say she’s crazy…”

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. I’m not crazy. And I’ve never been to Brownsville. I just forgot to take my medicine and when I forget to take my medicine I start to see things, and when I start to see things, life gets cloudy…

…cloudy.

Sarah knew that she could take her medicine now, and she did. She also knew that it wouldn’t help. She had passed that window where her thoughts would be cleared up by taking anything. She was going to have to ride this “crazy train” – as she called it – until the last bell whistled. The crazy train came with a soundtrack.

“In her younger days they called her ‘Delta Dawn’…”

In my younger days I was called Sarah Sunshine. ‘Sarah Sunshine’ had a smile that would light up a room. That’s what Mom always said, anyway. My smile was written about on report cards in elementary school and discussed at length between class mothers. “That Sarah,” they would say, “She must be the happiest child I’ve ever seen in my life.” “Sarah is always ready with a smile,” the teachers’ comments would read.

Sarah Sunshine.

My Mom stopped asking years ago whatever happened to Sarah Sunshine. It’s easier not to talk about these things.

“Prettiest woman you ever laid eyes on…”

Sarah Sunshine grew up to be Sarah Venable.

Back then, I certainly didn’t consider myself pretty. When I look at those pictures though, I see why I had a lot of boys sniffing around my door. I see now how a simple glance thrown over my shoulder, might have made a man think it was an invitation to discuss the finer points of…well, whatever he wanted to discuss. I see through the eyes of Sarah Venable, looking at ‘Sarah Sunshine’. That girl still lit up the room, even when she tried to kill her light.

“Then a man of low degree stood by her side…”

Why does the damn song always have to go dark? Can’t it just stay positive?

Sarah was lying down now, and still riding the crazy train. She hated this particular stop. This stop always turned sour and dark; giving off the stench of a windowless room that hadn’t been opened for decades, and was leaking ancient water. Next stop: Goodbye Sunshine Town.

I didn’t fall for a low-down scoundrel. I fell for a man with a smile. I fell for a man who could light up a room just by the thought that he might be there. I fell for a man who was everything Sarah Sunshine wanted, and everything Sarah Venable received.

Matthew was a man that pleased everyone. This, of course, is an extremely polite way of saying that he wore many faces. There was always a difference between Sarah Sunshine, who seemed to exude light, and Matthew, who directed his light directly through you. Sarah Sunshine fell for the light, like a moth to a flame. It was too late before Sarah Venable realized the mistake.

“And promised her he'd take her for his bride…”

Sarah Sunshine didn’t realize her wings had been singed until it was much too late. A ring on her finger and a faraway look in her eye, she carried on. Captivated by Matthew’s light and hypnotized by his sheer force, she was entranced.

Good things happened, and bad things happened. I can’t say I’m unique. I can say that the blinding spotlight of Matthew killed Sarah Sunshine. More like evaporated her entire existence. Sarah Sunshine ceased to exist. In a world owned by Magnificent Matthew, Sarah Sunshine became obsolete.

“Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on…”

I’m not wearing any damn flower. Any my name is Sarah. Sarah Venable. I’m an adult woman who is just having a rough day. There’s no flower. There’s no need for a flower. I’m Sarah Venable. Sarah Sunshine wore the flowers.

“Could it be a faded rose from days gone by?...”

My flowers from days gone by are dead and buried, don’t you hear? Don't you listenI don’t wear any flowers, I don’t own any flowers, and there are certainly no faded flowers around me.

Sarah was itching in bed, knowing the crazy train was taking her for its ride, but unable to control her emotion. Was she the flower that was pined for? Was Sarah Sunshine her flower? Had she let herself fade and die?

“And did I hear you say he was meeting you here today…”

I’m not meeting anyone at any time, ever! I’m gone. Sarah Sunshine is gone. He’s gone. The train station is full of people waiting for other people. If they’re riding the same train I’m on, they’re in for one hell of a ride.

Sarah beat on the windows to warn the passengers not to board the train, but no one listened. They never do. They boarded one by one, but never appeared.

“To take you to his mansion in the sky?...”

The train rolled itself forward from the platform, and began its climb upwards into the mountains ; a steep climb that seemed to go on to the clouds. Sarah was happy the journey was nearing its end.

I know that this is nothing but a dream. A dream in which I have no control, but one I must ride. I know that much is true. I know that life is what you chose, and so I make my choice.

Sarah Sunshine rode the train to the mansion in the sky until the tracks were no longer visible






Delta Dawn lyrics by Larry Collins and Alex Harvey, 1972.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Doors

Doors

 
 
The people nod and walk on by
As if nothing’s wrong or is awry
You just stand there, mouth closed tight
Certain you might burst on sight.


Shaking hands and trembling lips
You hope your fa├žade doesn’t slip
The world seems cold. Cold as hell
Inside you scream a rebel yell.
 

                Shut the windows, close the doors
                Latch the lock and hit the floors
                Close your eyes and say goodnight
                It’s time to give up this fight

 
You think back on those yesterdays
The time you wished that One would stay
There’s no more tears as you reminisce
There’s nothing  left when you think of this.


Crashing waves and storming clouds
That’s all that remains right here, right now
You’ve tried to stand and you’ve tried to swim
Your chances are looking pretty slim.
 

                Shut the windows, close the doors
                Latch the lock and hit the floors
                Close your eyes and say goodnight
                It’s time to give up this fight
 

Your heart is pumping, black and blue
It’s seems there’s nothing you can do
The pain inside grows ever wide
You or It must step aside.


It’s time enough to take a stance
Learn to live or dance the dance
Too much life has passed you by
You gotta learn to crawl before you can fly.

 
                Shut the windows, close the doors
                Latch the lock and hit the floors
                Close your eyes and say goodnight
                It’s time to give up this fight