Two for the Road

 

 

 

Clarissa woke up alone.  And blind.

As her haze began to lift, her senses slowly came back to her.  She hadn’t lost her sight, as she originally thought – she was blindfolded.  She slowly undid the sash that was tied around her head and blinked in the dusty grey Autumn light. 

She was on some sort of hiking trail.  A pathway that had been formed overtime, by the footsteps of people more “outdoorsy” than she.  This wasn’t one of those trails that you see in Central Park.  There were no benches or picnic tables.  No vendors selling lemonade and hot pretzels.  This was the woods.  And she had no idea how she came to be here; blindfolded and lying on the ground with twigs and bronze colored leaves stuck in her golden hair.

She got herself to her knees and felt her head begin to swoon.  “Whoopsie Daisy”, she thought to herself, as she fell backwards on to her bum. 

“Who the hell says ‘Whoopsie Daisy’ anymore,” she said out loud to no one.

She sat there for a moment longer, gathering her energy, and attempted to stand once more.  On her feet - although not solidly - she turned and looked at her surroundings.  “Did someone drop me off in Vermont?” she thought?  “I’ve never seen so many trees in one place.”

She tried to paste together the events of the last 24 hours, but couldn’t remember much.  She remembered she was supposed to go out with her best friend, Jenna, for a girl’s night out.  She had already gotten ready, and was almost out the door in her stilettos, when the call came in to cancel.  That was around 9:30pm. Everything after that isn’t even a blur.  It just isn’t there.  She has no idea what happened between hanging up that phone and waking up blindfolded in this…forest.

She searched the ground and found her purse.  She breathed a small sigh of relief when she saw that it was her small black clutch.  She only used the clutch when she was going out on the town.  She must have gone out with Jenna after all.  But where was she?! She reached inside the small bag and took out her cell phone.  Of course, no reception. The date showed Sunday, October 13^th.  OK – that helped.  The time was 9:30am.  She was now down to only 12 missing hours of her life.  Somehow, that didn’t seem to perk her up.

Her shoes were placed right next to her purse.  Her car keys were in her shoes.  Everything was lined up.  Not by accident, obviously.  Hmm.  Things were certainly getting weirder and weirder. 

“Thanks for that observation, Caption Obvious,” she said out loud. 

“People are going to think you’ve lost it if you keep talking to yourself,” she argued back. 

“Right, those blue jays and weeping willows are going to spread the word that Miss Fancy Pants is a loon.  Get it?  Get it? LOON? It’s a BIRD, you nitwit.”

“Weeping what? She asked.

 Clarissa’s mind was reeling from arguing with herself, she had obviously been away from civilization too long and was going a bit loopy.  She needed to focus on finding her way out of this place and back to her car.

To the right was an uphill slope, and to the left was a winding path that went gently downhill.  Looking at the shoes she had with her, she opted to go to left.

She leaned against a tree and went to slip on her heels.  She let out an “EEK” when she saw that the bottoms of her feet were covered in mud, leaves and filth.  There were some small pebbles still stuck between her toes and her once perfectly French manicured toenails were now outlined with a rim of grime and guck. 

“Blech!” she said loudly.  “My feet are shot, I’m not ruining my shoes too!”

Clarissa proceeded to limp along the uneven trail, her feet picking up more dirt, her shoes hanging from her fingertips.  Her skirt smeared with grass juice and whatever other dirty things she had managed to pick up during her stay in the “Forest of Filth”. 

She knew her face must look a wreck, but she didn’t have the heart to take out her compact and actually look upon herself. 

“I wouldn’t have the strength to look the world in the eye if I saw what I must look like,” she muttered. 

“God, you’re so vain!” she answered back.  “You probably think every song is about YOU.” 

Clarissa pouted and hobbled further down the trail, hoping she picked the right direction.

“There’s no need to get personal about it,” she mumbled.

Down the trail she went, trying to avoid the large tree roots that crossed her path and keeping a vigilant eye out for anything that crawled.  Or slithered.  Nothing she saw brought back any sort of memory whatsoever.  There was no sign of anything or anyone. 

The path eventually opened up so there was a field on one side. 

“A field is a good sign, right?” Clarissa said to herself.  “A field must mean that someone, like, plows it or something.” 

“You’ve got to be the biggest moron around, Clarissa.  Just because there’s a FIELD doesn’t mean that someone, LIKE, plows it.  You jackass.”

She put her head down and started on. Clarissa sneered as her foot landed on a broken twig.  “Dang it!”

Keeping her head down, Clarissa caught sight of a shiny object at edge of the path nearest the field. 

“You can always pick out the shiny things, can’t you?” she said to herself.  Clarissa smiled, it was true, she was all about the glitz and glamour, the shine and shimmer of life. 

“It’s not a compliment, you turd.  You’re just like a crow, and twice as worthless.”

Nearing the object, Clarissa saw it was a newer style camera.  Nothing hugely high-tech, but a digital camera, that was in good condition.  It looked like it had recently been left, since it wasn’t dirty or damp in anyway. 

“I wonder if there’s a Ranger station anywhere around here.  I can leave it with the nice bear who always wants to stop forest fires.” She turned the camera around and didn’t see any identifying marks, except for the initials ‘E.C.S’.   “That’s funny,” thought Clarissa.  “Those initials…”

“Why don’t you turn it on and see if there’s any pictures, Miss Hot Pants”, she said to herself. 

“I really shouldn’t, it’s not my property and it’s not right….”

“Oh, stop being a ninny and turn the damn thing on!” she screamed.

“Ok. Ok. God!”

Clarissa turned the camera on and saw the last picture taken.  She dropped her shoes that were still hanging from her fingers when she saw the image.  It was HER.  On this very trail.  In this very outfit.   The only difference was that her clothes weren’t dirty and she had a wicked smile on her face, the blindfold tied like a scarf around her neck.

Clarissa turned around in circles calling out for help and asking if anyone was there.  She had no idea what was going on and was seriously creeped out now.

***

“Stop your whining, you silly little cow!”  Edith said. 

Clarissa couldn’t help crying, but she did listen to Edith, who liked to take charge in these situations. 

“I’m so sick of you in your little outfits and your dainty little handbags.  Why don’t you grow a pair already?!”  Edith screamed.  “What are you doing with your life?  What is the purpose of you even being on Earth?  All you do is shop and get your nails done.  While I get to sit back and keep silent?  I don’t think so, not anymore, Missy.”

“The tide is high, and YOU are moving on Miss C.” Edith dictated.  “I’m not taking a back seat to you anymore.  Do you want to know what happened?  I’ll tell you what happened. ..

“I broke your plans with your idiot friend.  I couldn’t take another night of talking about Jake Gyllen…whatever the hell his name is.  I couldn’t take another night of eating sushi and complaining about your thighs.  I couldn’t stand one more minute of sipping wine and watching you play hard to get with the Ad Exec.

“So, I decided to take you out on the town, Edith style.  Take a look in your precious little bag, my dear.  You’ll find a receipt for a Motel, not a Hotel, for 2 hours.  A receipt for Pigs n’ Things Bar-B-Que. And a phone number…. for one Mr. Bubby T. Riley.  The picture is courtesy of him.  So is the blindfold.  I told him I liked it. He dropped “you” off about an hour ago.   Edith Clarissa Simmons is here to stay.”

Before Clarissa was pushed out of the way, she managed to get one sentence out:  “I ate at a Bar-B-Que?!”



This piece was written for a Google + Twelve Hour Challenge.  The Rules:  You are walking on a hiking trail and notice a camera laying in the leaves off the path.  When you pick it up, you see it is a digital camera and the last picture taken is of you, walking along the trail.  There is no one in sight.  What happens next?

The catch: 1500 words or less...