Growled and grunted and groaned
Went down the rocky lane
To the valley that moaned
Like a mouth that is swallowing a pill
The valley was deep
Just waiting for the kill
Down, straight
down
Bend at the right
There’s no
turning around
Down straight down
Keep walking straight
You know where
you are bound
Darkened, dampened and dense
The ground was soft
The pressure was immense
Down in the bottom of that hole
The air was thick
The earth greedy for souls
Down, straight down
Bend at the right
There’s no
turning around
Down straight down,
Keep walking straight
You know where
you are bound
Walking through upstretched hands
Nails are black
The fingers begging for command
My hope, my charity, my gain
They all went to hell
When I wandered down that lane
Down, straight down
Bend at the right
There’s no
turning around
Down straight down,
Keep walking straight
You know where
you are bound
Eerie, dark poem Karie. I like the structure. The first line draws one in. Bleak blackness is conjured. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!! I'm glad you felt the mood :)
DeleteWow, Karie. What a wonderfully dark and atmospheric song/poem. I read it in your beatnic tone. I'm not sure that is the rhythm you intended but it worked in my head. Incredible job!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Peter. You read it exactly how I wrote it. A jazzy, beatnic vibe. See?! Know I've lost count of how many things we have in common! :)
DeleteI like dark poetry and this one is great. It has a smooth flowing rhythm and pace which made the poem more enjoyable to read.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for reading and commenting, Michelle. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I definitely had a beat in mind, so I think that helped the flow...Thanks again :)
Delete"Down" the use of this one word captures the essence the darkness in the poetry, good
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Datta! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Naming a poem can be difficult sometimes. Sometimes simplicity does say it all. Thanks again :)
Delete