Samantha was barely speaking to Matthew when they crossed the border in to Labinnac County, a tiny speck on the map in the western most corner of Pennsylvania. At this point, even his breathing was making her squirm with rage. He had told her they were going somewhere as a “surprise”. A trip he said, “she’d never forget.” He smiled his smile and she bounced with glee.
Hours later, she realized that the “surprise” was a road trip to visit Matthew’s shirttail relatives, and not – as she had assumed – the trip to the Bahamas, as he had been promising. She should have known better then to think Matthew had it in him to come up with something that grandiose. Plus, he told her not to bother packing anything – everything they would need was right there. She had still slipped a bikini in to her purse, the thought which now infuriated her more.
Matthew cleared his throat and she gave him a sideways glare that could cut a diamond. He glanced over at her and tried to restart their conversation from where it had left off.
“Honey, I’m sorry you’re disappointed. I don’t know what gave you the idea that we were going to the Bahamas. That type of trip takes a lot more planning, and I really thought you’d appreciate meeting my relatives.” If he had left it there, Samantha might have tried to thaw the iciness that was hanging in the air. Oh no. He just had to go on. “Besides, babe, you can’t honestly be angry with me for something that you made up in your own mind, can you?” That was it. That was the final blow.
“You’re right, honey,” she started, “I shouldn’t have assumed you would do anything that you said you were going to do. I should know better than to -what was it you said - ‘make things up in my own mind’? Yes, that’s what you said. I should have known better than to think you might actually try to surprise me with something we’ve been talking about for months. Yes, snookums. Visiting your backwoods relatives is a fine, FINE alternative to lying on the beach and sipping a Pina Colada. Whatever was I thinking?” Her sarcasm was cutting, but Matthew couldn’t help but smile.
“Like I told you, Sammy, this is going to be a trip you’ll never forget. You’ll love my relatives. They’re quirky and unique. I guarantee you that you won’t have a thought of the Bahamas once this trip is over. Come on, babe. Let’s make this trip special.”
Samantha stared at him. There’s no use in making a complete jackass out of myself in front of his family, she thought. She better put her disappointment away with her bikini, because she knew they couldn’t be far now. She tried to soften her voice when she next spoke.
“Matt, I’m letting it go. For now. There’s no sense in us driving out all this way just to argue. I’m just not sure why you picked now to visit relatives that you’ve never even spoken about. It just seems odd. You can’t blame me for being disappointed – especially since we’ve been talking about going to the islands for ages. Let’s just put it behind us and deal with it on our way back to civilization.”
“That’s my girl.” Matthew said, giving her a wink and a smile. “I know you’ll have the time of your life once you meet everyone.”
“Alright, so tell me something about these relatives I’ve never heard a peep about,” Samantha said. “I’ve never even heard of ‘Labinnac County’ before.”
“Ahhh. That’s because only a special few even know it exists,” laughed Matthew. “Labinnac County is the best kept secret this side of the Pacific. My family owns a lot of the business in town – the Bed and Breakfast, the Café. If they don’t own them, then another distant relative does. Everything in Labinnac County has been built by my family. It’s in our blood.”
“Well, if it’s so important to you, then why haven’t I heard anything about it before,” she questioned. “We’ve been together for years and I never knew you even had family way out here, much less owned a town.”
Matthew answered with a smile and a pat on her hand. “I had to make sure you were the perfect person to meet my family, Sam. And you are.”
Samantha smiled and her feelings of anger quickly drifted away. Matthew might not be the most romantic guy in the world, but he sure did know how to say the right thing sometimes. Besides, it looked like they’d be spending the rest of their lives together, so she should learn to put away her pigtails and accept what she had. A good, solid man who was dependable. Romance was over-rated anyway.
***
They crossed over a covered bridge into the center of
Labinnac County. She had to admit, it
was beautiful and serene. The town
looked like it was a direct copy out of a Norman Rockwell painting, and the few
people she saw, tipped their hats to her as they drove by. “What the hell”, she thought to herself. “Did I just step into Mayberry?”
“Here we are,” Matthew said, with joy in his voice. “We’ll be staying here tonight. This is the
place I was telling you about. My Aunt and Uncle – well that’s what I call
them anyway – should be inside waiting for us.”
Samantha smiled, and glanced at the sign:
Niks Nook – Bed and
Breakfast
The Dining’s on Us
That’s a cute slogan for a B&B, Samantha thought. Maybe these people aren’t hillbillies after
all. Matthew held the door for her, and
they both walked inside, hand in hand.
“Matty!!” an eldery woman called out from behind the
desk. Samantha’s eyes were still
adjusting from the bright daylight, and couldn’t quite make out the figure
speaking yet. She could tell the woman
was old, but her eyes were playing tricks on her. For a brief instant, she could have sworn she
saw yellow eyes and pointed teeth.
Quickly her eyesight came back in to focus, and standing before her was
a grandmotherly lady, probably in her late 70’s.
Aunt Livee placed her hands on Samantha’s shoulders and gave
her a firm squeeze. “This must be your
Samantha, the one we’ve heard so much about.”
Aunt Livee never took her eyes off of her and Samantha was getting a
nauseated feeling in the pit of her stomach.
Why did Aunt Livee know so much about her, but she had never heard
anything about Aunt Livee? She put it
off to having not eaten all day and the long car ride.
“Yes, Auntie. This is
my Sammy. I’m so glad you two can
finally meet! I know you two will get
along splendidly. Where’s Uncle Stan?”
Matthew inquired.
“Oh, sweetie. Your
Uncle is still feeling a bit under the weather.
I’m hoping he’ll be up and about by tomorrow morning,” Aunt Livee
replied. Samantha couldn’t help but feel
like she was being watched and judged, but she knew it was only her
imagination. She always got a little
uneasy around strangers.
***
Since they brought no luggage, Matthew decided to show
Samantha around town, promising Aunt Livee that they’d be back before dark.
Starving, they headed to the nearest –and only- café in
town: The Yendik and Revil Café. Before Samantha could ask, Matthew said, “It’s
an old family name. Aunt Livee was
originally a Yendik and Uncle Stan is a Revil”.
She nodded and smiled, pleased and a little confused, to find out so
much new information about Matthew.
They stepped inside and Matt was once again greeted with
warm hugs and pats on the back. “He wasn’t
kidding when he said the family owned the town”, she thought. Matt introduced her proudly and food was
ordered for them by some relative or another.
She wasn’t sure what she was eating, but it was
delicious. As soon as she finished her
plate, seconds were provided from out of nowhere. She had never had such a voracious appetite
in all of her life. By the time the meal
was over she felt like a bloated tick.
They walked back to the B&B and Samantha started to feel
increasingly ill. Her sides were cramping up and the pain in her abdomen was
almost unbearable. “ I’m really not
feeling so well. I think I might need to
go to the hospital,” she panted to Matthew.
“Nonsense”, he smiled “you just overdid it at the restaurant. We’ll go back to Aunt Livee’s and you can
take a nice long bath. You know you always
feel ill when meeting new people and, honestly…I’ve never seen a person eat so
much in all of their life.” He took her hand and looked in to her eyes. “You
know, Samantha. Right here, right
now. I know you are the perfect person
for me. I’m so glad you’ve gotten to
meet my family.” She smiled through her
pain and hobbled inside to the Inn.
***
She soaked in to the tub for what seemed hours and didn’t
feel any better. In fact, she felt
worse. She crawled in to bed and Aunt
Livee gave her a sleeping pill, “to ease your tired mind, my dear.”
The last thing she saw before drifting off was a bubbling
pot of water. She was dreaming she was
still taking her bath, her mind told her, and she passed out.
The next morning Matthew came downstairs with a spring in
his step. He greeted Uncle Stan with a
warm hug and a satisfied smile.
“Feeling better, Uncle?”
Matthew asked.
“Much better, thank you my boy.” Uncle Stan replied. “That Samantha
sure was a good sport. And you, my boy
have this down pat. Bring the young
things in, fatten ‘em up and have him soak.
Don’t much get the point of bringing a bikini, though” Uncle Stan chuckled. He reached for his toothpick and picked out a
piece of bone.
“It’s a shame, you know.
She seemed a good lot. But she
had a bitterness to her. Some sort of
acidity to the last bite. Probably the
sleeping pill.” Uncle Stan
chuckled. “I’ll tell you, though. She definitely put up a fight! Your Aunt just ‘bout had to sit on top of her
to get her to stop squirming. All she
kept doing was screaming: I get it
now! Labinnac is Cannibal! Yendik and Revil is Kidney and Liver! Niks is
Skin!” Uncle Stan kept laughing. “That’s about one of the smartest broads you
brought here yet. Lot of good it did
her. ”
