The Cog
The alarm on her phone went off as expected. She lay in bed wondering why she even set the damn thing, as she was always awake before it went off anyway. She should get up - the cat needed to be fed, a shower needed to be taken, work was waiting. Yet, she stayed where she was, only turning slightly on her side to look out the window. She will get up - just a few more minutes. There was no need to hurry, she could go another day without washing her hair. She could make it to work with the gas she had in her car. She didn't need breakfast. She reasoned with herself that there was no need to get up quite yet.
Every weekday was the same damn thing. Wake before dawn, turn off the alarm and make excuses. It's not that she was depressed, per se. She was on anti-anxiety medications that made her less anxious about being depressed. So if she didn't feel anxious about being depressed, then she wasn't depressed, right? Like the whole "tree falls in a forest" principle of thought? It made sense to her, in a weird way.
She wasn't lazy, either. She was just...uninspired. Uninspired and unfulfilled. Uninspired, unfulfilled and unexcited. Maybe she was depressed, she thought. Maybe she thinks too much, she thought.
She rolled on to her back and looked up at the ceiling, wondering if everyone went through this each morning before work. She knew she wasn't unique in the slightest of ways, so this must be every one's morning ritual. Well, at least 50% of her peers. Yes. That seems about right, she thought. Her entire life she had been exactly average, so she couldn't be exceptional in this category. Then again, if she was going to be outside of the norm, it would be reasonable to assume it would be with a less than positive thing. She was out of the norm already, actually, being a late thirty-somethinger with no husband, no kids,no friends, no degree. For some reason, these "exceptional" traits did little to motivate her to rise from her faux slumber.
She glanced at the clock and 25 minutes had gone by. She realized that the last time she had even spoken to another human being was 3 days before, as she left work for the extended weekend. No one had called her, no one answered when she called them, and she hadn't left the house. Is that normal, she thought? Probably not, she surmised. Maybe she was more unique then she thought.
35 minutes had now passed since the alarm sounded, and she could stall no longer. She groaned and placed her feet on the floor, the cat immediately jumping to attention and swaying in between her feet. She allowed herself a brief smile and made her way into the kitchen to fix breakfast for the little feline. Soft purrs were heard as she headed to shower and begin the day.
Dressed and on her way, she locked the door to her condo and greeted her neighbor. "Hi Adam", she said. "Hi Cindy", he replied. They rode the elevator in silence, she staring at her shoes, and he fidgeting with his iPhone.
After a 40 minute commute, she arrived at work and swiped her badge through the security doors. "Hi Sidney", she said. "Hi Catherine", was the reply. Climbing the stairs to the 4th floor, she acknowledged several co-workers, and was never once called the same name. "Hi Carla", "Hi Candace", "Hi Carin". She didn't correct any of them. She had only been there 8 years, she mumbled under her breath, it's hard to remember names for some people.
She reached her desk and was relieved to find she was only 3 minutes late. All in all a pretty good start to the day, all things considered. Just then, her bosses boss walked by and said "Well, good morning there, Catrina. Glad to see you could join us today. I heard you took a long weekend. I'm sure you enjoyed the time with your family. Those kids grow up so fast, don't they? I hope you feel refreshed and ready to go-Go-GO today! We're like a family here, too. Every employee is unique and contributes in their own way. We're only as strong as our weakest link, right Catrina?" He chuckled at his wittiness and began to move on.
"My name is Caylee", she said a little louder than she wanted to. "What was that, Catrina?", he asked her, walking back to her cubicle. "Oh nothing, Mr. Jonas, I just was agreeing with you", she responded. "Catrina", he said, "I think it's important to have a strong working relationship with my people. Without you, I would be nowhere. I hope you know how fondly I think of you. Keep up the good work." He began to walk away, and stepped back once again. "Just remember, Catrina, we're all equals here. We're all working toward the success of our Company." He gave a dead-eye wink and she simple replied, "Yes Mr. Smith".
With Love,
Lady Butterfly
xoxo
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